Thursday, May 19, 2005

Just Desserts 3: Murray's Ice Cream and Cookies (Kansas City, Missouri)

RESTAURANT: Murray’s Ice Cream and Cookies
LOCATION: 4120 Pennsylvania Ave Kansas City, MO
DATE: May 14, 2005
DESSERT: Waffle Cone with a scoop of Pecan Cinnamon Roll Ice Cream and a scoop of 3-Nut Tub; English Toffee w/Pecans Cookie
DRINK: Tap Water
PRICE: $6.50

(a dialogue that may or may not have actually occurred)

MURRAY’S ICE CREAM (MIC from here on): You know you want me. I’m tasty, I’m creamy. In fact, I’m offering you everything you like in a dessert.

ME: But see, I have this thing with milk and cream. It can really hurt my stomach. If the ice cream isn’t made with high quality products, after I eat, my stomach feels like a balloon that is about to pop.

MIC: I promise I won’t do that to you. I’m hi-qual, I swear. And look at the wide selection of waffle cones you can have me on.

ME: Is that a brownie waffle cone…?

MIC: That’s right…looks delicious doesn’t it?

ME: No, I can’t. I’m traveling with two girls, one of which is my girlfriend. I can’t be cramping like PreFontaine the rest of the afternoon. If I eat you, I’ll be depleting the ozone layer like one of the cows from my dad’s dairy farm past.

MIC: You’re traveling with girls, or you are one yourself? I didn’t realize I was talking to a timid baby. Wait, even babies like ice cream. In fact, everyone does. Are you saying you’re better than everyone?

ME: No, I didn’t say that, now don’t put words in my mouth.

MIC: Just put me in your mouth and you won’t have room for anything else.

(pause, while I contemplate the offer)

ME: Fine, but you better not be lying to me.

MIC: Look at these caramel swirls, would they lie to you? I’m as honest as my pecan cinnamon roll ice cream is blissful.

ME: Okay. I’ll go with the pecan cinnamon roll on…hmmm. What’s the best way to have you?

MIC: You can have me anyway you want me. I’m good on everything.

ME: Wow. How did this turn sexual? Let’s just stick to dessert. I’ll go with the regular waffle cone, no frills needed. One scoop…wait, is that an ice cream with three different types of nuts? I love nuts…

MIC: (suppresses a giggle)

ME: Come on, nothing sexual, I thought we were gonna be mature about this. Okay so that’ll be my second scoop. Happy now?

MIC: There are cookies too. The English toffee with pecans would go great with the caramel in the cinnamon roll ice cream.

ME: Damnit. Fine. A cookie too. I’m basically a bottomless pit. Didn’t I just have Arthur Bryant’s, where is all this sugar gonna go?

(fifteen minutes later – ice cream and cookie have vanished)

ME: Sweet lord that was good. The 3-Nut Tub was a little innocuous, but man, the pecan cinnamon roll was almost like a concrete in and of itself, blending the flavors of breakfast pastry with the silky luxury of ice cream. And the cookie was so buttery and soft it practically dissolved in my mouth. If I lived in Kansas City, I’d come here all the time…wait a minute. The ice cream is gone. Who exactly am I talking to?

LIBBY: I don’t know honey, we were just gonna let you go on for a while longer. No one wants to interrupt a crazy person.

STEPH: Yeah, conversations with ice cream? Next thing, you’ll be thinking people actually want to hear your ramblings about everything you eat...

ME: Umm, right. Well, whatever, Murray’s ice cream was really good.

(exit stage right to a spattering of boos, hisses, and catcalls (I assume for the girls, though perhaps also for the ice cream))

RATING: 7.5/10

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